The Kesha Khronicles
by LizandMary
Summary: A series of oneshots based on and around Ke ha songs.
1. Fuck Her She's a DJ

**AN: Hello! This is the first of a series of one shots based on and around songs by the lovely and talented Ke$ha, written by Liz of kendricked/ kendrickulous and Mary of kendrickyoulittleshit. We hope everyone has as much fun reading as we do writing!**

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Beca furrowed her brow in concentration and highlighted another part of the mix she was dissecting. It was amusing, Chloe thought, how the tiny brunette's brow crinkled and her bottom lip jutted out a bit in thought. It was also fascinating, how careful and precise slender fingers glided across the keyboard to adjust the beats and melodies so they blended together perfectly. Beca was a force to be reckoned with in her field, and Chloe had known that from the first mashup she'd managed to weasel out of her.

Chloe shifted uncomfortably from her seat at her desk. Her grad school notes weren't simply captivating her anymore (like they ever really did) the way the dark eye-lined, sarcastic, flannel-clad girl was across the room curled up with her laptop. Beca's hair fell in some sort of perfect messy disarray around her shoulders, a Mitchell trademark that only she looked attractive in. The heavy eyeliner framing her eyes only enhanced their deep blue tint. Her flannel was rolled up to her elbows sloppily, like a five year old did it, and there was a bit of a black tank top revealing itself through the top of the flannel she'd left unbuttoned. The worst of the matter seemed to be how completely oblivious Beca was to the way this could affect people. "People" being Chloe. The little shit. The attractive little shit, Chloe corrected. The whole image was so ridiculously frustrating that Chloe bit her lip and sighed in frustration.

Just before Chloe forfeited and practically pounced on the DJ, she had an idea. She raised her arms briefly, stretching out the aches of being a diligent student tied to a desk chair. She got up with a smirk that could've rivaled the legendary Mitchell "smark" (that's what Chloe called it, a mashup of "smirk" and "snark"; she had been so proud of herself that she informed Beca of this new terminology, which she responded with an exaggerated eye roll and a smile that she couldn't hide fast enough from the redhead) and plopped down next to Beca on their worn down couch.

"Hey," Beca said without looking up.

Chloe put on a poker face as she moved her plan into action. "Hey. What're you workin' on, babe?"

Beca bit her lip as she adjusted the bass slightly. The giant headphones wrapped around her heavily pierced ears seemed to have drowned out all other noises; Beca was in her own world where she could manipulate and create her own soundtrack. Chloe looked down at the screen briefly to see an assortment of Ke$ha and Lady Gaga songs riddling the screen.

"I was thinking of dancing around naked to Gangnam Style you wanna join in?" Chloe yelled, testing the headphones's strength. No reply.

Chloe slid in closer, pressing into Beca's side. A hand slid to Beca's thigh as the other gently picked up one side of the headphones so she could lean in, lips grazing Beca's ear as she whispered, "Fuck her she's a DJ."

Beca's eyes took a second to pop as the words registered and she spluttered, "W-what?"

Chloe removed the headphones completely as she kissed the spot below Beca's ear and whispered, voice a little rough this time, "I said, fuck her she's a DJ."

Beca's eyes widened as she feebly tried to resume working, but Chloe was at her neck, pressing kisses down its length, and Beca cleared her throat awkwardly. "Chlo I'm trying to I'm uh-" Beca struggled to maintain her understanding of the English language as Chloe's lips found her collarbone.

"-feeding me this hot track?" Chloe finished for her, bringing her head up to find Beca's eyes, a mix of surprise and disappointment that Chloe had stopped.

"You," Beca narrowed her eyes, "are totally NOT quoting Ke$ha at me right now."

Chloe grinned wickedly in response as she turned and grabbed Beca by the shoulders, lowering her down onto her back on the couch as their lips connected, Beca allowing her to deepen the kiss.

Chloe broke away to sing softly, "I-I-I-I know what I've got on my mind."

"You're such a hipster pop nerd," Beca said breathlessly. Her hands found Chloe's belt loops and she gave them a little tug to bring her closer. "It's a wonder anyone can stand you. No one knows that Ke$ha song."

"You do," Chloe answered, leaning down again, giving Beca a gratuitous view down her shirt. "And all night long she's got the beat." Beca's accompanying eye roll was cut short as her eyes closed at the feel of lips pressed against her jaw. Chloe pulled back, grinning at how effectively she stopped the snark and continued to sing, "She playin' that song it works for me."

Beca wrapped her arms around Chloe's neck and pulled her head down closer to hers. "Chlo?"

"Mmm?"

"You really need to shut up," Beca breathed as she crashed their lips together, Chloe's hips pressing down slightly harder as the kiss deepened.

Chloe broke them apart to continue, "Now she's loving me up, with the bassline phat-" but was quickly cut off by Beca's mouth on hers.

"It's not an aphrodisiac, quoting this song like that," Beca said breathlessly.

"Really?" Chloe raised an eyebrow. "I'd say-" she kissed Beca's neck. "It's pretty effective."

"'Effective'? What is this, Pokemon?" Beca grinned in spite of herself.

"No Bec, I don't have any balls on me," Chloe laughed. "So I can't catch the legendary elusive MitchBitch Pokemon."

Beca smacked Chloe's shoulder. "You are such a nerd."

That only made Chloe laugh harder, so much so that she nearly snorted, which caused Beca to unwillingly start giggling uncontrollably. After Chloe finally controlled her laughter in Beca's shoulder, she propped herself up to smile at her girlfriend.

Suddenly Beca's face was serious, "So like, are you gonna be like 'Chloe Beale' with the C as a cent sign and whatever now? I don't think Ke$ha would appreciate people trying to steal her sickeningly glittery image."

"Yeah and one of the e's are gonna be a '3'," Chloe replied, "But I still brush my teeth with a tube of toothpaste because I still want to promote good dental hygiene unlike my Jack Daniels wielding inspiration."

"Ah ok good to know you won't reek of alcohol all the time."

"Like you would notice. When's the last time you washed that flannel?"

"Well joke's on you," Beca grinned. "It's yours."

"Stop stealing my stuff!" Chloe hit her arm playfully. "You thief!"

"I have to keep up with your now sketchy, implied illegal activity ridden image now, Miss Cent sign-H-L-zero-three."

"Wow please don't," Chloe leaned in. "I think you just melted my grammar nazi brain."

"Look, you're having your scheduled celebrity meltdown already!" Beca deadpanned. "Smart, getting it out of the way early. Not as public."

"Watch it, Mitchell. I can leave."

"Buuut," Beca shot her a mischievous grin. "I never wanna stop; I don't wanna give her up."

"Don't use that song against me," Chloe feigned a hurt expression.

"Oops," Beca smirked, and Chloe leaned down to ensure that the smug look playing on Beca's lips didn't last too long.


	2. Dinosaur

**AN: As Liz so aptly stated: May the snark be with you.**

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Beca sat alone at the bar as she waited for Chloe, Converse clad feet dangling about a foot off the ground as she tapped her pen to the beat of the jazzy Christmas song playing over the buzz of conversation around her. She glanced at her phone, and then made a note on the legal pad in front of her, sighing in frustration. A list of all of the current Bellas' names lay before her, their class schedules for the spring semester written in neatly along each member's assigned line. There was a very narrow gap where they were all available, and as captain, Beca was finding it difficult to work a rehearsal into a short time period. She propped her head up on one hand and closed her eyes, mentally reviewing the chart again.

"You look like you could use a drink."

Beca's eyes popped open at the male voice, and she took in the man who had seated himself a chair down from her. He was tall, probably in his late-fifties, with a slight beer belly and hair that looked too full to be his own. He smiled at her, showing off gleaming white teeth, and she grimaced back at him.

"So what'll you have?" He said, flagging down the bartender.

"I'm good actually, thanks," Beca said, gesturing towards her own drink.

"You sure? The apple martinis here are excellent."

"Positive," she turned back to her legal pad, angling her body away from the man. He ordered his drink and faced her, reaching out and pulling her notepad towards him.

"So what are you working on? Looks intense."

"About as intense as your lack of boundaries," Beca frowned, yanking the legal pad back. "Look, no offense dude, but I'm waiting on someone, and I don't really feel like doing the whole small talk thing."

"Okay," he said, still smiling. "Can I ask you just one question though?"

She closed her eyes briefly before looking over at him, steeling herself.

"Are you healthy?"

"What?"

"Because you look like you could use a little vitamin me," he puffed up his chest proudly, the white of his teeth almost blinding.

Beca blinked at him, stunned. "What the _fuck_?"

"Wait, I got another one," he said. "Is your last name Gillette? Because you're the best a man could get."

"The only thing you're gonna get is lost," she said, finishing her drink. "I have a question for you."

"Shoot."

"Does the museum know you're missing? I know they like to keep track of all of their fossils."

"Oh, come on," he said, scooting over so that he was in the seat next to her. He held out his hand to shake. "I'm just trying to break the ice a little. I'm Jerry."

"Good for you," she ignored his outstretched hand.

"What's your name?"

Beca looked up at him, exasperation written all over her face. "Look, I'm not interested, okay?"

"'Not interested' sure is a funny name."

"Do you need to turn up your hearing aid or something?" Her exasperation was quickly turning to anger. "I don't wanna talk to you."

"Then why don't you let me buy you a drink and we can just sit and enjoy each other's company?" He ran a hand over his hair, smoothing it down only to have it slide slightly to the left.

"If I let you buy me a drink," she said, measuring her words carefully. "Will you stop talking to me?"

He only gave her another scarily bright smile. "What'll you have?"

"An order of shut the hell up, on the rocks."

While Jerry caught the bartender's attention and ordered her a martini, Beca quickly tapped out a text to Chloe.

_Where are you?_

Her phone buzzed in response almost immediately.

_Almost there :*_

_Hurry. Creep at the bar. _

She looked up as Jerry slid her drink to her, giving him a tight lipped smile. She left the drink untouched in front of her, instead going back to her legal pad and circling Stacie's and Denise's names. She wrote a quick note in the margin between the circles, ignoring Jerry's eyes boring a hole into her.

"You're not drinking."

"We had an agreement," Beca said without looking up, pressing down harder with her pen.

"You never said how long I had to stop talking."

"I never said I'd drink what you bought," she countered, checking the time on her phone. "Isn't it past your bedtime? I know nursing homes have really strict hours. Wouldn't want you to miss your nightly meds n' Jello."

Before Jerry could open his mouth in response, Chloe arrived, smelling of cold air and flowers as she leaned over a chair and kissed Beca full on the mouth, causing the older man's eyebrows to shoot up. Breaking apart, she began shedding her coat, scarf, and gloves, red hair falling in waves and cheeks pink from cold.

"Sorry I'm late," she smiled, sitting down next to Beca. "My class ran over."

"It's fine," Beca smiled, taking her hand and lacing their fingers together. "I'm just glad you're here."

"What are you-"

"Well," Jerry interrupted, causing both girls to look over at him. Chloe raised an eyebrow, taking in his shirt stretched tight over his gut, large smile, and sliding hairpiece. "I must be on the nice list this year."

"Excuse me?" Chloe asked.

"But I think you two are more on the naughty side, huh?" He gave them an obnoxious wink to accompany the leer he sent their direction. "I've always wanted to be on the naughty list."

"What the hell?" Chloe turned to Beca. "Is this the creep you texted me about?"

"I'm Jerry," he said, reaching out to shake Chloe's hand. Like her girlfriend, she ignored it.

"More like geriatric," she wrinkled her nose.

"C'mon, don't be like that," he kept up the permagrin, causing the redhead to recoil slightly. "I just think we could have some fun together, that's all."

"Neither of us is interested in your "fun," so why don't you go back to the old folks' home and leave us alone."

Beca fought back a smirk as Jerry colored slightly.

"You sure? Because I-"

"Look," Chloe hissed, eyes narrowing. "We're not into creepy old guys with beer bellies who hang around college bars trying to get laid and won't take no for an answer. So get up and go, bro."

"Fine," he said, taken aback. He picked up his drink and stood. "But you don't have to be so rude."

Chloe rolled her eyes, a move she'd picked up from Beca. "Goodbye. Oh, and Jerry?"

He turned hopefully, nearly spilling his martini.

"Your toupee is falling off," Chloe smirked and crossed her arms as Jerry frantically pulled at his hairpiece. He threw her an angry look and then stalked off, waddling slightly. Beca started a one woman slow clap, causing Chloe to look at her.

"Way to go, Red," Beca grinned, pulling her close. "Who knew you had it in you?"

Chloe just smiled down at her before leaning down and capturing her lips in a searing kiss. "What do you say we skip dinner and head home for dessert?"

"What?" Beca's brow furrowed. "But I thought you really wanted to try this pla- _Oh_. Dessert sounds great."

"But I mean, we can stay and have dinner with grandpa, if that's what you really want," Chloe teased, pulling her coat back on. "You two seemed really close."

"I hate you," she scowled, gathering her things and standing impatiently.

"You love me."

"I do."

Once they were both put together and ready to go, they exited the bar hand in hand, stepping into the cold and leaving Beca's drink untouched on the counter behind them.


End file.
